Now that's my sister, she's Bonnie,
Who's like an old branch on a tree;
She's now on this day, fifty-three,
Soon to be really old? Not she!
...
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Some of the rhymes are notable, but this poem would still need a lot of work to find an enduring place beyond your immediate friend/family circle (for example, the flow is not even; the rhythm is awkward) . Still, I like the cheeky tone. A decent attempt.
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Some of the rhymes are notable, but this poem would still need a lot of work to find an enduring place beyond your immediate friend/family circle (for example, the flow is not even; the rhythm is awkward) . Still, I like the cheeky tone. A decent attempt.