Monday, July 25, 2011

Black And Brown Comments

Rating: 5.0

Making my way down town
Fully aware of mams’s Bantu time
I see a man in black and brown
In my fears I started to drown
...
Read full text

Yolanda Mbatha
COMMENTS
Juan Olivarez 25 July 2011

You write very well, however I believe you need to abandon the rhyming scheme it gets in the way of your story. You shouldn't rhyme just for the sake of rhyming. Your poem is excellent without it.

1 0 Reply
Close
Error Success