Autumn Light Poem by Suzanne Hayasaki

The quality of light in November,
When the sun rises lower in the sky
And the rays of sun that filter through
The colored leaves take on a clearer hue,
Put me in a reflective state of mind.

The towering clouds of the summer sky
Give way to wisps that resemble the geese
I remember honking their way south
Over the marshes of my childhood home.

Here there are now ducks dotting the ponds
And waterways that head for the sea,
Competing with egrets for their meals,
Looking to me like visitors from my Western past
Coming to mingle with my Asian present.

Maybe that is why my mind drifts back
To long walks in the Wisconsin woods
And meandering talks with nearly forgotten friends
Back when we believed we were as mature
As we would ever need to be.

Oh, to be that sure of myself again.
To believe that the world was waiting for me
To take my place in it and succeed
Because everyone has a destiny.

How many lifetimes have passed
Since I sat in the weak, heatless sunlight
Of a northern October afternoon,
Looking at a friend and feeling completely at ease
With the companionship he offered me

Because we hadn't yet felt the pressure
To twist ourselves into yin and yang
And begin to play the game of dating
That ended up making us strangers
To ourselves and each other.

Sometimes I long to go back
To being just a person
Who happened to be a girl
Who happened to be friends with a boy
Who made me feel like I was real.