Assiduous Empathy Comments

I understand where it is going but, I got lost in it

6. Works better than some of the others. It just needs more concrete imagery to balance out the wordplay elements (which are fine, just not enough on their own.) By now you should be noticing a pattern in my comments. Poems convey experience. Imagery is how experience is conveyed - specifically, concrete, striking, and original details.

I like the rhythm of it, especially after the first time I read it it seemed to really move well.

I like this one, its funny and yet makes you think too.