as we fall into the water
let us clasp our hands together
bright day is done,
...
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Very well done. I love your way with imagery - I can picture this cleary in my minds eye. As far as your spaces, I agree that it might help the pace a bit if you condense it into four line stanza's. However, it isn't absolutely neccessary; it works very well as is. My best, -Daniel
Wah! Tragic Love Story! you have a way with imagery, you're awsome! Dark, deep, and touching... Just like me.XD hope to hear from you soon. Love, Kyle
hey...love the writing. you're good. and ty for the comments on myne.
LOL, you're taking about surviving math here? ... and I thought you were talking about life! let your pen flow!