As Father Dies Comments

A well written poem, Darlene. Such a sad tale though! I have read this poem several times this morning, not with a critical eye, the poem itself is flawless. Each time I read it I picture the child at the window and wonder why on earth any child should feel so alone and excluded. It's such a shame! From your biography I see that you have found happiness and I am so happy for you.

Next to the tree watched by the birds..... depending on whether or not a comma is placed after tree, I THINK you mean (without comma) that the birds watched the tree, OR (with comma) that the birds watched the box. yes, sometimes punctuation can be important to the meaning. of course you may be wanting the readers to decide how THEY want to read it. my favorite lines so far: A bed on wheels they rush into the house Me by my window like a little mouse ...............yes, a mouse (or a very little, in-fact-or-in-feeling, girl) might think of things the way the poem 'speaks', like calling an ambulance a box. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i like that you changed the verb tense for this one line. it works well for me. :) Through the door they made such a clatter ............clatter reminds me of the noise santa's reindeer made when they landed on the roof in the poem The Night Before Christmas: A Visit from St. Nicholas, also known as The Night Before Christmas and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas from its first line, is a poem first published anonymously in 1823.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - the last stanza will 'shock' many readers who don't 'know' you, and haven't yet read the poet's note; thanks for the note, by the way. AND Francis Lynch, below, writes And you still call him Father? well, you do NOT call him Father in the body of this poem. you refer to him as father and you don't even write my father, just father. we can't change who our biological father is, no matter how we may wish to do so. ok, in the title it says Father, but PH DOES ask that all words in the title be capitalized! this is a very fine poem. nice, though not forced, rhymes. well done! think about that comma, and other punctuation; i only missed the comma, which maybe wasn't meant to be there anyway. to MyPoemLIst it goes. thanks for sharing. i'll have to be on my guard in future CHALLENGE contests (organized by PH member Brian Johnston) , assuming you submit poems before the deadline. :) bri p.s. i shed no tears when my mom died, (nor when dad died) . they were both good parents, and there were no hard feelings between us. i was MUCH older than you were and they were very old, plus i'm a little 'hard-hearted' i suppose.

And you still call him Father?