Apologies To My Unborn Seed Poem by onesimo odwa mabovula

Should have been prepared for all this,
but I never was.
Should have done right, given a chance but I never did.
Righting a wrong could never be.
Selfish actions is all I got to act.
But a father to another unsupported child
I could never be.
Looking back at the good times that there was,
and reminiscing about the future you would have brought,
is all I can ever do to show the little love
I could have given to you deservedly.

But as the world turns it never reverses.
Time goes but never fades,
forever in my mind is where you would always be.
Giving you a name would have been the easy part,
teaching you all I know would have been just the same.

But call me heartless cause I never allowed you to see the time of day,
never even let your heart beat just once.
But what could I have done a naïve boy never thinking about the consequences before acting.
In the heat of a moment it happened
and there you were conceived with no plan of action.
Confused is best to describe how I felt.

Wonder for a while is all that I could do,
till the plug was pulled
terminating your existence during its creation stages.

Would you have had your mother smile and friendly face.
Her beautiful big eyes
or would they have been small like mine
blind to the future for I am no oracle.
You were but a miracle blossoming day by day in you mothers womb.

On a normal day
the breaking of the waters would have been your way into the world
except it was the one out.

The waters break to run down my face
causing streams of sorrow to no end,
day by day that's the life I chose to live.
Honestly she has so much potential why would I have ruined it.
She's a good mother already
no doubt she would have made the best to you.
A life full of love you would have and I've ruined it, but I hope not.

Had you been born it would have been worse, I assure you.
Born into a broken home made of broken hearts.
Glass cuts buts hearts bleed that's an environment not conducive for happiness, security, nor breeding exceptional individuals.
How could I have let it be?

I apologies my unborn!

Hope you're in a better place.
Its not any better for me, to be in this place.
Murder or in colloquial terms homicide is the same in any form

abortion is insane

but it was the only point of sanity at the moment.
Now insanity is on the grounds of suicide
wounds that do not heal prove to be hard to bear.

Had it been a different time you would still be here.
And I would be awaiting patiently on what's to come next.
Contemplating your next kick.
Your first cry as you get ushered into the world
awaited with warm and open arms.
Listening for your first words.
Watching you take your first steps.
First day at school, varsity or at work
now all of that is lost in the mystery of modern day science.

Was it a chance to remove regret or an opportunity do cure it.
I wonder and for all eternity I should.

I'm sorry it had to be you.
I look up at the sky and tell my self
the smallest star of the night has got to be you
looking down at me with forgiving and nun vengeful eyes,
and I convince myself you have blessed me with you humbling forgiveness.

When it comes to pain
Its never no mans turn.