An Ugly One Poem by Vonnie Postit

I know I've never told you before.
But big, I am in…
something with you.
In something the way
white pants pop dark skin.
you are a cosmic
flashlight- the way you
reject your phone and
on Fridays in our
college dorm, nothing
sounds better to you
then bed time at 8 pm.
Loving you would be like
spicy asparagus and too much
honey on a green apple
green like your colored contacts
when the Denver sun hits your eyes just right.
your red hair sings me hellos
when your voice doesn't find the need
to pour with words I drown in.
big, loving you would be like
melting butter on warm bread,
easy and politically correct.
But (im sorry theres a but)
You don't know me.
You cant know me
Until screaming burn from Marlboro
cancer sticks.2 of em.7 of em.
Until you've drank ice cold water
At pre-sun morning and
could feel it race down the sides of
a stomach that is starting to forget
what it feels like to have food within it.
(I say this in present tense)
until you've hated everything
around you so much
the world is at a 30 degree angle
and can see hair growing on
your arms, chest, neck,
and become the gorilla
ready to swat down anything
too close to you.
(you'd be the beautiful girl
i save if i didnt have my hands
full carrying myself
or if we believed in stick figures.)
Do you understand why
I crave to know your secrets?
You tell me you have none.
Big,
What im trying to say is
i am the cosmos burning fast
and far away,
and you are the moon.
I believe you when you tell me
nothing i say can shock you.
but i also know
some things are just too dark
to be brought to the light.
Something you hold has me
crawling on the floor,
looking for the matches
you gave me
something,
something.