An Old Man Speaks To A Teenager! Comments

A VERY LOVELY METAPHORICAL STORY BUT WHO GOES UP THE HILL LIKE JACK AND JILL NOW ALL KNOW IT YOU TOO POET THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY HAVE YOU EVER READ ME

The generation gap

the story of life where every moment faced varieties experience/// extraordinary long narrated poem penned; superb I enjoyed

an excellent piece of story poetry between an old one like me and a smashing youthful one like you In times to come as my memory shadows into oblivion you will then step into my shoes talking with another teenager but more ultramodern The ones today see as an ultimatum the be all and end all of youth

2 – Re: " ''I will unravel everything the other day'', " try: " I will unravel everything for another day" Navod, i got your long response today to my 3 + years old comment. thanks. Sure, lambs could beused to refer to someone with affection or pity, like girls. to MyPoemList. bri ;)

1 – I just read this again,3 years after my 1st time, after getting your long response today to my old comment. thanks. Re: " After the questions he inquired" i think i'd use: " After the questions he had asked"

Very beautiful sweet poem............. thanks

a well written poem of a life well lived with plenty of experience to pass on? .............well written

Beautiful narrative piece elegantly brought forth. Thanks for sharing Navod.

Memories! With some tears in his eyes. Nice piece of work.

An amazing write with your great command of the written word as you unfold this heartfelt and moving poem, you have a great natural talent as your poem flows with such ease and the stamp of your own beautiful style that makes this write outstanding! So sorry I'm only getting to read your poem now as I have been sick

An interesting conversational poem with the oldman and theyouth.

I was drawn to this title because I'm the old man at 69 and you are the teenager: the dynamics of Reader/Writer matched that of grandfather/grandson in the poem. This is a wise poem: the boy anticipates his future delights, the grandfather is sad because is delight are past and done. You show their differences in anticipation and memory with sensitivity. And you are completely objective. I admire the thoroughness and honesty of this writing

You have had an interesting story to tell us. You told us only one half of it, for whatever reasons. We being readers have the right to finish the story, for our own sake at least. Thanks for sharing.

Your poetry is like a waterfall, to ask questions, and fescue answers, must be able to just pick up, the correct key, and correct gait, if your poetry is like a dance, dance across the generation gap, and the music of rap.

Thank you, all for commenting!

The dialogue between the old man and Charlie is so engrossing! The conversation takes place so naturally and the youthful memories unfold one after the other. You concluded the poem at a time when the curiosity of the young boy has reached its peak.....(of course the curiosity of the reader too!) So you can think of its next version ! As other poets of greater experience have pointed out, you have to be a little more careful about the punctuation! Over all, this poem is excellent as it is by a boy of your age and I award you a full 10

A fascinating storyline in your poem is sublime and ignited the urge to read till the very end, at this tender age you have show maturity in your writing, however some fine tuning is required to make it more effective. I thoroughly enjoyed thanks for inviting me to read the wonderful poem, awaiting for part -2, Navod...10+++

To sum up, I agree with Kelly, Navod. However, I see that all the poems you've posted up to now are long ones.. I think that you should try writing short poems, where the metaphoric image sums up in a few words an entire essay.. It can be a challenging task, but it helps to focus on the meaning of 'Poetry' and what it represents for the poet's soul.

nice one..10 age old gap that goes non stop with unfilled space that we face today