An Almost Certain Hell Poem by Ghost Legend

I guess I should have known. All the signs were always there. And even now, your own words say more than you will ever admit. And deep down I knew it all too. Deep down, I lied to myself for so long, hoping that if I hoped for long enough, reality would somehow change. Because I didn't want to live in a world where you weren't real. But deep down I now know that is the only life I have left to live. I wanted to believe in you, even though it was simple math that showed you were racking up points with someone else. What's so messed up is that I doubt you even believe me when I say I have suffered all this time over you. Otherwise, how could you ever do this to me? Surely, some sort of justification you must have invented for yourself, all this time. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been able to go through with everything you did to me. I hope you sleep easy at night, though. It's not guilt that I wish you had. No..I think I just see that I am in such a jam. I see that I'm living in a cruel world. I see that no one will ever care about me. I see that she herself, I have realized that she herself, you know who I'm referring to, I have realized that she never loved me. What am I now? What is left of me now? It feels like I gave up what was left of my life for you. I have no one now, and my future seems like an almost certain hell. Do you even care? You don't. You never did.

Why did you even do this to me? And what becomes of me now? Do you expect me to roll over and die? I guess I just don't even exist in your world anymore. But I do exist in mine. And here I am, in the darkness, typing away, lonely as ever. I think I didn't want to see the truth because I knew I'd have to feel lonely again if you weren't real. So even though you've given me every sign, both unintentionally and purposely, such a huge part of me wants to believe in you still. Isn't that sad? I guess I have to be lonely. I have spent my entire life running away from loneliness. I think I have no choice but to stop running now. I have to face it, and face whatever comes my way in life. Jiri was poisoned now too, and I can't help but to feel like life is hell, a nightmare. And all the good parts of life are used to hurt me in the end.

It's not your fault you aren't real. You're probably mentally ill. But I guess I'm just disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I could sense the truth even when we first met, yet I chose to believe in you. Chose to blind myself.

I don't know how I will face this horrible loneliness now. I almost wish I could ask you how. But the truth is there is no answer. There is no one to read this, or to answer me. The truth is I am alone. And that is what I have to face, and accept. I hope you have a wonderful life. I don't know what else to say.