Ailment(Bilingual) Comments
In the grip of coughing,
totally I lost freedom.
Water, one cup after another,
...
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something caused me to return to this poem and i now see Perdita's fine responses to my multiple comments. It is better for poets to send my responses to me as messages, as i almost never return to a poem's page, unless: 1- the title did not ring a bell aks i'd forgotten all about the title (though the poem sounded very familiar, even after being months since i'd read it. 2- i return to say i plan to use a poem in a showcase, after i find it in MyPoemList bri ;)
Wishing you a happy and healthy life, Madam, I can only say it's another great poem by you.
Thank you Sir for your great kindness...It was written almost two years ago when the weather was dry and the sky was gray.There is no worry of any kind now about health problems in spring and winter :)
(cont.) ...i use veggies. instead of negligent perhaps negligible? i'm not sure what you mean by towns simple. i don't think go is needed; i think collapse' is sufficient, though i sometimes am use a redundancy for emphasis. MAYBE I'M 'LOOKING' AT the poem in the wrong way? maybe the first part is the symbolic part and the spies are people [like CIA] a fierce battle involves guns, bombs, and missiles? ? ? ? bri ;)
My WiFi collapsed at noon and my comment here is no more...: (I cannot remember the exact thing but thanks again and surely i will reconsider these words... The concluding remark is typical Humorous Bri. Laughter in life is the best cosmetics and makes people stay young, as the Chinese saying goes 笑一笑，十年少 ten years younger perhaps.
(continued) ...are battles infections, obstructions, or failures of body systems which may cause the body's 'collapse', as an ant hole may cause the collapse of a dike? ok, maybe not simply an ant hole; maybe squirrel or badger holes. some other readers may have similar questions. ;) line 1: i might use a cough or coughing. (continued) ..
Thanks for the good suggestion... I will surely revise it into a cough or coughing :)
(cont.) ....then i came to lines: In the streets of dance and wine........just because of an ant hole.... are the streets 'your' body parts, particularly, in the poem, your tube(s) to lungs and stomach? are the spies saboteurs of your health/life, such as germs, viruses, foreign objects, and tumors and blood clots? ? ? (continued) ..
(cont.) ...yes to your interpretation, sharp-eyed Bri. The streets of dance and wine (movie pictures again) aims to symbolize personal health and peaceful life, while the spies symbolize saboteurs of...health/life, such as germs, viruses, foreign objects, and tumors and blood clots...Glad we see eye to eye here. :)
i've read the two other comments. as sometimes happens, i can not write with such glowing praise. maybe it is due to my tendency to not think in terms of 'one thing meaning another'. ah! symbolism is the word i was trying to bring to my mind! i tend to think of things literally. so i believed the poem's character had something lodged in her/his throat, and coughing and food and drink could not dislodge it. BUT....(continued) ...
Thank you so much for your time and critical reading of my free verse, Bri. I loved to read martial fiction(authors like Louis Cha) and the physical discomfort made me think of some of the plots and there...I guess Chinese readers may find it easier to associate... The last two stanza is actually an adaption from a Chinese saying“千里之堤毁于蚁穴”literal translation: The dike of a thousand miles may be destroyed by an ant nest, or a small leak will sink a great ship...(continued) ...
Fabulous piece! Well structured so nicely articulated: A solid dike may collapse go just because of an ant hole....I vote this poem with a 10
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7/26/2025 3:48:05 AM # 1.0.0
p.s. now i HAVE sent to MyPoemList. bri ;)