After The Smoke Clears Comments

oh it's so beautiful and more, i liked all the words u used and all the fire u burn tnx

I really like the piece as a whole, very well written, but I have one suggestion, and that's to change gone to gonna. I don't if that's the way you meant for it to be read, but you've already got slang in there, so I figure it would help the flow.

really cool.... i instantly pictured it in my mind nice work

I like the way that you can illustrate an image on the reader's mind :)

HOT hot hot well done wow... We gone burn it up some more love dat line xx

oh my, god. that was amazing. it was...truly poetic and chaotic and stiffling. a little shocking to think of such brutal happenings, but truly beautiful.