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The winter bird sat in a stricken-want for the fire,
Its beak frozen, its heart cold, and yet it's a crier
Of the Heavenly Lord's thoughtful work that has made its living vile,
For he believes the Lord was testing him if he was loyal.
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The young poet thinks high and writes poems on problems of the society for ex Child Labour and on God' s greatness. Twenty long lines ha ve been written in this poem. In 16 years, the boy-poet's write ups are excellent pieces of poetry.
4 – Stanza 5, line 2: I don’t think I understand this line. Stanza 5: “sorrow’s fall” …the end of (the winter bird’s) sorrow? ? I like stanza 5. I like the poem, especially after studying it a bit. I like that you did not ‘need’ to use a lot of rhyming. But the rhyming you used is pretty good. And you did not use a bunch of words I don’t ‘know’. Ha ha. To MyPoemList. But I’d like you to take some of my suggestions, before I share it with others. bri :)
3 – Back at stanza 1, at end of 3rd line: I would use a period, not a semi-colon. Stanza 3, line 1: I would end the sentence at the end of this line. Stanza 3, line 2: start new sentence & use “glaring”, not “blaring”; check their definitions!
2 – so, did God make the winter bird's life/living " vile" with the freezing weather? ? WHY WOULD God do that to a bird OR A HUMAN? ? ? I don't " buy into" a belief in God anymore, but i know i used to hear: 'God works in mysterious ways’. Stanza 2: I like this stanza. I guess I’m on “the devil’s side” if I’m not on ‘God’s side’? ? ? Is that how life works? ?
1 - i don't understand: a - " a stricken-strive" i only find " strive" as a verb b - " brooded work' you seem to use " brooded" as an adjective, but i don't think it is meant to be an adj. Perhaps you mean a life that one has " brooded *** over" ? *** brood: " think deeply about something that makes one unhappy." c - " made its living vile" ** ** vile: " extremely unpleasant."
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7/26/2025 4:33:41 AM # 1.0.0
In God's eyes everyone is the same. The thankless winter bird who once turned to the devil for not getting its wish granted also at the end is made to realize God's mercy and it too is able to partake of God's benevolence. The message the poem gives is profound. But you have made it a little obscure by the use of language.