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I see that you imbibe generously from the liberal chalice of free-verse poetics which is good, and you have delivered some inventive lineage here.Just a suggestion...Consider breaking down these long lines, into 2 shorter lines.This will afford the poem a tighter, crisper structure, which will enable the work to move /flow smoother & more mellifluously.Your base ideas are creative and possess a solid foundation to expound on, but i feel the finished product should be structured less like a paragraph or essay & more like a traditional poem.All that said...this is is just a suggestion & an honest critique. We can all improve & should always strive to so so through reading, being open-minded to constructive criticism & exploring the vast spectrum of the literary arts freely, without any rue, fear or personal sting to non-positive reaction.We learn more from others than from ourselves, no matter how adroit we may be, or think ourselves to be when we are learning & developing.Poetry is no different than any other field of expertise....we must take all we can from the experienced & mold it in with our own natural talents & skillset. Good Luck, young lady. F j R ((09))