# # A Sudden Turn (With Haiku Version - My Very First!) Comments

The haiku version is better. It might be stronger as haiku with a definite antithesis in both stanzas.

Well articulated and nicely brought forth with artistic brilliance. Thanks for sharing and do remain enriched.

Love the haiku version. -c

very nicely done and you could change this into a Tanka too

i'm dumb struck.............

I like both of these versions Sonya - its the creativity of the movement and the imagery is gorgeous. Very pretty poems, both of them! HG: -) xx

you got it right in the second version for the 5 - 7- 5 syllables of required Haiku and its meaningful...a lovely haiku.....

Brilliant haiku for a first attempt Sonya and very elegant too...10

Great work, Sonya, they both paint a perfect moving picture of the moment. I love the image of the swooping bird... Amazing to see how how the arrangement can affect the mood...I will refer back to this as a lesson in art: -) N

The haiku version is great. Perfectly fits in the definition of a haiku. Imagery is wonderful, very delicate silently conveying the deep and hidden meanings the uniqueness of a haiku. Keep writing haiku, Sonya.........10. Best Wishes Naseer

Your first haiku has my applause, dear Sonya. Warm wishes, Sandra

Oh yes, quite perfect haiku...well done Ruthy

good imagination Sonya...thanks...10

I like the haiku version slightly better, it gives me a little work t do, Doesn't interpret it for me. But both are beautiful poems. the first more imagist, the haiku not only fits the syllable count of the form, but captures the moment with fresh imagery of nature, the season is intimated as summer and for all I know water lilies is a kigo or season word for summer anyway. And most importantly it resonates with deeper meaning. my favorite lines are: 'water lilies re-arrange space in the water'

Sonya, I have to say I prefer your Haiku version. It is more eloquent and leaves the reader more space to 'see' your image. What a stunning image, by the way! And so interesting to watch the gestation of a poem. love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥