A Story Comments

You have chosen a very good theme and presented well in a certain poetic fashion. The opening verses reminded me of Kumaran Asan's famous poem but as I went on, the poem revealed yet other planes of life. I was slowly pushed to the life of a woman on the read street. Yes, you have said it in a guising tone. This kind of preentation is also very effective to reveal the horrors of real life. You can still chisel out your poem on re-reading. Self editing method is the best editing method. No outsider can really point it out. I may add one or two points: - At once I was taken aback...feebly. Feeble is an adjective here qualifying the sound and so the present construction bites me somewhere. You may think. Again, 'the pain was worded...ambiguously. Though the construction conveys the meaning, 'read ambiguously' can go toghether. The inbetween words somewhat rob off the impact. Again, I leave it to your judgment. My view is that adjectives should preceed the nouns being qualified and not stand apart from each other. You may review the situation. Thanks. Definitely speaking, you have got a future with your blessed pen.

Poetry of the first class kind is here. A poem that can boast of a classic touch and romantic flavour is penned down by you.. A FINE WRITE indeed Ms Mallika.

Wonder why causes tears to almost flood my eyes..the truth hurts more than anything some times

story of primordial rose - I like it

The butterfly did n forget its primordial rose

the butterfly did not forget the petals of its primordial rose