A Rainy City Comments

'a melody of electricity', 'an unobtainable silence'- these are just a few of the beauties in here. I like the dark drapes too (smile) . Patti

Commendable work, Lazarus. The work has mellifluous movement throughout. You paint a vivid drape of morosity, and the depressive mood that more than 70% of us supposedly suffer from in various degree, on a gaunt rainy day. Two observations that you might want to take a second look at...Otherwise....fine work, especially considering your novice status.Good Luck! Stanza 1/Lines 5 & 6...No need for commas...same thought....Also, the word(to) in the 6th line eliminates the need for commas. Stanza 2/Line 3...Did you want it to read breathe, or BREATH? tThe latter would be my choice. FjR