Sunday, December 21, 2014

A Man Dying Comments

Rating: 4.9

Be not proud.
In a downtown alley way
he stands but just barely and to see his
pale gaunt ashen frame is to ask-
...
Read full text

M.J. Lemon
COMMENTS
Bri Edwards 07 January 2023

......................BUT you do not use 'death be not proud', only 'be not proud'. So, in your poem, what is the purpose of using 'be not proud'. Are you alluding to the falling person or to anyone viewing the scene of falling? ? ? bri : )

1 0 Reply
M.J. Lemon 16 March 2023

Hi Bri, It can be taken in at least 2 ways. It depends. Do you see the first few lines as second or third person rendered? ? Thanks for this second reading.

0 0
Bri Edwards 07 January 2023

Having once again read the poem and some of the comments, including mine, from past years, I feel I should again mention your use of 'be not proud' and your acknowledgement that it is in reference to Donne's poem Death Be Not Proud.

1 0 Reply
LeeAnn Azzopardi 16 November 2022

Brilliant testment of the current doing of the governments Bravo MJ

1 0 Reply
M.J. Lemon 01 December 2022

Thank you, LeeAnn. So much appreciated.

0 0
Bharati Nayak 22 December 2020

he stands but just barely and to see his pale gaunt ashen frame is to ask- will he disappear into the cement sidewalk crack? Can he will he ever make it back? - -A very touching write !

1 0 Reply
M.J. Lemon 30 December 2020

Thank you so much, Bharati.

0 0
Bri Edwards 22 December 2020

P.S. since submitting part one of my comments below, i checked a large paper dictionary and it does seem to allow, marginally i think, the use of " cement" for a hardened substance, I think making it ok to use in place of MY preferred " concrete" . I just Googled " concrete vs. cement" : " Although the terms cement and concrete often are used interchangeably, cement is actually an ingredient of concrete"

1 0 Reply
M.J. Lemon 30 December 2020

Similar enough, Bri...There is also the metaphorical aspect to being consumed by the concrete, the cement...What swallows us does not have to be a literal. Again, Thanks, Bri.

0 0
Bri Edwards 18 December 2020

2 " disappear into the cement sidewalk crack? " Yes! WILL he? ? " fault" like he might disappear into an earthquake fault? the 'be not proud' reference. Does it refer to: " Sonnet X, also known by its opening words as " Death Be Not Proud" , is a fourteen-line poem, or sonnet, by English poet John Donne..." ? ? bri :)

1 0 Reply
M.J. Lemon 30 December 2020

Thank you so much, Bri. Indeed there is a reference to the great John Donne

0 0
Bri Edwards 18 December 2020

1 in U.S. we use " alleyway" " cement" (a powder) becomes " concrete" when mixed with water (& maybe gravel) and it dries " ashen" & " pale" are synonyms " net of needles" nice alliteration. i'd guess a net meaning trap, not a safety device! " needles" as in ones used to inject drugs? Cont.

1 0 Reply
Jane Campion 19 July 2019

A great observational poem. We do wonder about the people we see. Very well written. Thank you kindly for your comments.

1 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 23 July 2019

Many, many thanks, Jane. Much appreciated.

0 0
Chan Mongol 25 June 2019

The poet has pictured the misery of another fallen fuy in the society. Well penned. Thanks for sharing. ++++10.

1 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 25 June 2019

Thank you so very much, Chan.

0 0
Aniruddha Pathak 07 March 2019

A powerful depiction, very touching.

1 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 08 March 2019

Thank you so much, Aniruddha.

0 0
Valsa George 07 March 2019

Outside the comfortable confines of our house, we will meet such desolate, shabby homeless people! We should have the heart to see them with empathy, instead of gloating over our own amenities and riches! We could also be one among those deprived, had circumstances been different or the one whom we have seen thus in bad shape must be one of our close relations! Such thoughts will help us from being proud!

1 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 07 March 2019

Absolutely agreed. Thank you, Valsa.

0 0
Susan Williams 08 August 2018

When you delve, you go cemetery deep, my friend. And you give no quarter. No one can read this poem and remain untouched. Onto my fav list and a serious number of 10's Should have received poem of the day many times over!

1 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 09 August 2018

Susan, wow...thank you so very much.

0 0
Akhtar Jawad 19 May 2018

Be not proud. a message that is universal, a poem for all.

2 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 28 May 2018

Much appreciated. Thank you so much, Akhtar.

0 0
R Soos 18 November 2016

and Amen. You have touched me deep with this one.

2 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 18 November 2016

Thank you, Rich. Very much appreciated.

0 0
Richard Wlodarski 17 April 2016

By The Grace of God. Thank you for acknowledging this human being. On some level, he has heard your message and is stronger because of it.

4 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 18 April 2016

Thank you so much, Richard.

0 0
Bri Edwards 04 February 2016

oh, needles? syringe needles?

1 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 05 February 2016

Sadly, yes...syringes.

0 0
Elena Plotkin 10 May 2015

A powerful write. Like all your poetry your words vibrate and reverberate with the rhythm of your rhymes.

2 0 Reply
Mj Lemon 11 May 2015

Elena, Thank you so very much.

0 0
Neela Nath Das 22 December 2014

A fantastic poem with good message.

2 0 Reply
Close
Error Success