A Life Once Lost Poem by Chris Todd, Jr.

Nothing remains but the pain you cause me,
it didn't have to end this way. All is gone but the tears I cry.
They burn my face as a reminder of the pain you've inflicted.
Living life but not alive, everyday a struggle for survival.
Yesterday all was well, no one could see the storm clouds gathering. A black embrace took you from us, why,
why'd you do it, for yourself? -greedy, for love? -none,
for pleasure? -pain, for notoriety? -none, for life? -gone.
Done is the deed, and all that remains is the aftermath.
Why must it hurt so bad? Trying to stop you, if only
I could turn back the clock. Not listening, not hearing, only feeling, letting it engulf you. I pray for you everyday that your gone,
hoping your ok, but I know you watch from below.
Can you see me looking down on you? I can't take it anymore,
but I can't, (no, I won't end up like you, I refuse it) .
Nothing is more painful then this feeling, this emptyness,
why won't it end, I can't do this to another, it's to great a loss.
I remember the service, so painful to speak of you,
all the good you did, the people you helped;
only to end up hurting yourself, it wasn't worth it,
I hope you see that now. I pray for the light to set you free,
embrace it when it glistens off of you. I see you in my mind,
wallowing in self-pity, wondering what you've done to yourself.
Did you think about your friends, your family, your children?
They miss you; the pain you caused them, unbearable.
They'll get by where you failed, (oh please God take it back, turn it back, and make it all go away) . I don't know where or when
this Hell of mine will end, it’s everywhere around me, inside me.
I live it, I feel it, I breathe it. Nothing is right, everything is wrong,
why couldn't you be strong for us? I hold firm in this
path to the light, I'd save you if only I could.
Knowing your gone is too much to bear,
thinking of it sinks me further into this bottomless pit of desperation. You try to fly but I know your wings have been denied.
The more everyday passes, I miss you more,
(can't go on, why go on) ? You had it all, and threw it away;
you laughed the loudest, who'd of known?
To find you lying there, in an endless sleep,
battle scarred wrists, shattered dreams, blood red neck,
your life destroyed. Standing over you in dismay,
trying to figure it out, but can’t; only paralysis of the even just witnessed. Numb, blank mind, can't think,
can't comprehend, and can’t understand why.
If only I did more, was there, took the time to care more,
but I couldn’t save you from yourself, it's my only regret.
Trying to forgive myself, wondering why, putting it in perspective,
left to reason it forever. I watched the radiance leave for ever,
my world turned cold, upside down, frivolous.
The events replay over and over in my eyes;
I see them as if they just happened.
I can not stand this hell I feel. On my knees, praying for your soul,
only God can help you now. A shinning star in my sky,
now burnt out, I miss your guiding light.
My life goes on,
changed forever,
if only yesterday never existed...