A Happy Deadman. Comments

This is a nice poem but it is very sad..... Beautiful poem. Aditi

Its kinda sad but still really awsome i love it

beautiful wriring - who needs structure when you are writing from the heart....our soul cannot be organised. The best writing comes straight from the soul to the page without any theasorus' to edit it. SG

Interesting write. Try 'A Humorous Death' when you have a spare minute. Thanks!

A beautiful composition.It is one of my favorites from now onwards. I won't do the grammar correction.But tell me why most of your poems are sad.Do they depict your life.?

Chitresh, you have absolutely the right idea about poetry. My suggestions are that you get yourself a good Webster and use it till it falls apart. Good grammer is absolutely essential. Decide whether you want to be lyricist or a free verse writer. If the latter, rhyming will not be that important to you. Keep on chunking. God bless, Juan.

Loved the title...loved the idea even more....but as Catherine says there's some room for improvement....That means you can grow....just imagine if someone says it is perfect....then that itself thwarts growth....even I keep learning every moment of my day....just see my older poems and compare them with my more recent ones...you will understand....god bless you! ! ! and please do keep writing! ! !

This is a good poem; I will give you that. It would be nice, however, to see you maybe add some sort of stanza structure to the poem. Would make it much easier to read and more presenting to the eye. The Stanzas will also aid in letting the poet know that you are addressing a different idea too. Another point I would like to raise, is about the repetition of certain words. I think, you should maybe try to use different words in some areas of your poem. Maybe consult a Thesaurus and look up words that have a similar meaning to some of the more common words you have used. (Example: Remember could be changed to recall; or you could say reminiscent or nostalgia - just to name a few off the top of my head) I know poetry is about keeping an idea as simplistic as possible; but using some fancy words now and again, can give both the poem and the poet a sense of maturity. Also, careful with your contractions. 'How beautiful it’s to laugh', should be 'How beautiful it is to laugh' I am not too sure about the final three lines of the poem. Not sure if it how I am reading it, but it does not sound right. 'I’ve the ability to live on my own I’m a living-dead but now at least I can laugh On myself and the living men who naff.' I do not know what you think, but this (to me) sounds right: 'I have the ability to live on my own. I am the living-dead; but now, I can laugh About myself, and the living men who naff.' To sum things up, I like how you have approached the poem through First Person perspective. This gives the audience a sense of empathy for the persona when they read this poem. In conclusion, it is a good poem and I did enjoy reading and writing a critique for this poem. You will find as you grow older, and in combination with the more you write, you will mature not only physically and emotional as a poet; but your poetry will mature both physically and emotionally too (metaphorically of course) . And I say that from personal experience as a teenage poet myself. Let the poem you write now, be the building blocks for the more mature poems you write in the future; and never look down on yourself if you write a bad poem or two now and again. Learn from your mistakes and advance further with the basics. PS: Sorry for the long comment. I have a tendency to get a little too carried away with advanced critiques.

Leslie is right....not funny.......painfully profound...........therefore 10+

wow! that's deep man! i like it!

A profound poem...Its difficult to laugh when you feel like you're always being laughed at.

too deep.thanks 4 making us understand

OH, too hard but wonderful...me too i wanna know how to smile...: d

Mr Happy dead men this is nice piece life goes on as it never ends so keep on surviving till the end luwi

I totally agree with the first comment but I really liked the poem

this is not funny... we must make our selves happy.... life is sweet