A Clock Stopped Comments

Nice that you quote in full the sources of your inspiration. It provides us an opportunity to read another poem of distinction.

This is a very nice poem, but if you look at the authors poem that inspired you, you will see, he has more detail, and development in his work, you must keep the readers attention, his poetry is more discriptive, and it tells a story, I am not trying to be rude, but take your time, and look at his style, he is telling a story, you have to play with the words, and the verses, your reader will understand what you are trying to say, you are getting away from the subject; you don't wont your poetry to be just a selection of run on words. Keep trying I know it will help you.