Tuesday, April 24, 2018

A Caravan Of Thoughts (Part 1) Comments

Rating: 5.0

Vanquished by a storm of thoughts, so blustery
Struggling to unravel a mystery

A mystery, those could only solve
...
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COMMENTS
Abhimanyu Kumar.s 05 July 2018

A well carved caravan and too deep narration. Loved it. Keep growing.

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Hira Akhtar 06 July 2018

Thank you so much, Sir!

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Bri Edwards 04 July 2018

(cont.) .... there are a few minor suggestions i might make which i won't, and, after only one reading, i think i missed some understanding, but i like it overall. to MyPoemList, and then i'm on to read part 2 which i THINK is what you wanted me to read [you only mentioned one poem in the message you sent, and did not give me the title]. bri :)

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Hira Akhtar 05 July 2018

Its always an honour to get some suggestions from you, Sir! Thank you😊 Done with the spelling mistakes you told 😊

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Bri Edwards 04 July 2018

(CONT.) ..remember the second ' ': I forgive him, don't do this cruelity() // and cruelty, not cruelity [i didn't notice the misspelling at first! [from Wikipedia]: A dervish or darvesh (from Persian: درویش, Darvīsh) is someone guiding a Sufi Muslim ascetic down a path or tariqah ....so not dervaish i guess. he replied aredently....i think you 'want' ardently. (cont.) ..

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Bri Edwards 04 July 2018

line 7: i bet you meant: per·se·ver·ance ˌpərsəˈvirəns/ noun noun: perseverance steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. (CONT.) ..

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Hans Vr 21 June 2018

I love this wonderful journey. In search of love, in search of truth, let us never give up this amazing trip towards understanding a bit more. I sometimes compare it to a rocky path above a raging sea. The path hurts our feet but it brings us slowly a bit higher every day. Let us keep on walking! I look forward to part 2. Excellent poetry, truly thought provoking

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Hira Akhtar 22 June 2018

Thank you so much, Sir! I'll be sharing the part 2 very soon, inshaa Allah! 😊

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Sam Sam 03 June 2018

The more I say, the lesser it means You are a great person keep it up

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Naila Rais 01 May 2018

A lovely poem... Keep it up... Read my poem In the mid of the night depression you are killing me too.. Naila

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Hira Akhtar 26 April 2018

Thank you Sir I am happy that you still remember a girl named Hira Akhtar😊

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Akhtar Jawad 24 April 2018

Welcome back Hira Akhtar. You have come back with such an outstanding philosophic poem. I recollect Holy Prophet (pbuh) when he instructed to burn the son and then his mother forgave him. A woman is a mini creator and a creator has no alternate but to love his creation. Trinity of forgetfulness, forgiveness and sacrifices is love. Muhabbat keya hay Taseere muhabbat kisko kahte hayn, Tera majboor kar dena mera majboor ho jana (I don't rember whose lines are it)

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Hira Akhtar 26 April 2018

Thank you so much Sir! 😊

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Rajnish Manga 24 April 2018

An insightful poem with a philosophical touch. It would be fine if the poem is formatted so that it is easier for the reader to read it. Thanks.

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Hira Akhtar 26 April 2018

Thank you Sir! Your siggestions are always welcome! But I would like to know what should i change?

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Rajnish Manga 26 April 2018

My submission is that there should not be space between two lines of the couplet and all couplets of the poem should follow this rule. Likewise, space of one line be given in between the two couplets. The first two and the last two couplets of the poem follow this pattern it has not been done in case of other couplets. This is my personal opinion. You may not agree with it. Thanks a lot.

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Hira Akhtar 26 April 2018

I understand that Sir! Actually i had to upload it from mobile and there was some problem! And I came up with this formate only.will try to 3dit! Thanks!

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Hira Akhtar

Hira Akhtar

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