(515) Poem by Joanne Kearsey

I cry, but there are no tears,
I scream, and yet there is no sound,
The only sound that comes is the bones creaking,
I can't fall any more, there is nothing to save me from the frigid ground.

I ask why, but there is no answer,
I keep moving thinking it will come to an end,
It never does as I keep looking around for someone beside me,
There is always someone there, but who can I call a friend?

The pain is becoming overwhelming as by body breaks down to its core.
I don't know how much more I can take.
It all just repeats day after day, long night after night.
Is this all there is to my life? There is nothing left to put at stake.

I have given my best and you have taken it with both hands bleeding me dry.
No money, possession or reward can satisfy this contradiction.
It doesn't seem to matter what I want, everything just happens,
There is no consequence or action that can counteract this destruction.

I have sacrificed enough of my mind, it really has come back again,
It did pass me by, came back, and now it just hangs about,
Looking back, it never went, just faded into dust, and shadows,
Now its back blacker than the void that chewed me up and spit me back out.

I am weak, tired and feeling powerless to stop the call to the void,
In this state I can do nothing, I will do nothing to let it sink me lower,
I know the what the fallout would be if I did,
It is a hell that you can never get out of, it can pull you under.

All the noise in my head filters out what was never there,
You aren't the reason for my hate, my pain and despair,
Things of the past I cannot change remind me of how far I have come,
All I need to do is break down to breath the fresh air.

My chest tightens up, my legs grow weak underneath my weight,
How am I still alive after all these years?
I don't know, it seems it just never ends,
New opportunities appear, just as the motivation disappears.

09/05/2024



(In part inspired by (515) - Slipknot, it reminds me of the noise in my head during a panic attack, the screaming and confusion that happens)