5: 27am Poem by Raava .

I wake up, mom is in the room
Telling me to go upstairs, not explaining why, she seems fine, its 5am

I fall back asleep, exhausted from the night before, the crying, the thinking

My Aunt enters the room, its 5: 19am
She tells me to go upstairs, its about to happen

I go upstairs, exhausted and confused,
I enter the bedroom upstairs, a man is laying on the bed, a woman sitting on a chair next to the bed, one is standing next to the bed leaning against the wall, and the last one is standing in the doorway, giving me a hug as I enter

The one who was leaning against the wall comes up to me, gives me a hug and says, 'it's time to say goodbye'

The one sitting on the chair tells the pale man, 'She is here now, here to say goodbye'

The man let's out an unrecognized sound, the first sound he has made in a week, nothing like the sweet words I am used to hear, nothing like the laughter he makes and the jokes he used to tell

I try to go and stand next to him, to say goodbye, but I am stuck, stuck to the floor, unable to move, unable to speak

I walk to the other side of the bed, I sit at the end of the bed, the furthest away from him as possible, but at the same time the closes I am able to be

I have to keep a certain distance from him, because the closer I get, the more real it becomes, and this can not be my reality, this can not happen

The others are crying, telling him its okey to leave now, while I sit at the end of the bed, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to cry

My aunt wraps me around a duvet, and hugs me, I watch the digital clock on the bench, unable to look anywhere else

His breathing turns slower and raspy, its slowing down, its 5: 24am

The breathing is gone, the time is 5: 27am.

My gaze unable to look anywhere else except
for the digital clock

I sit on the bed, my mind gone, barely noticing when my Uncle enters the room, just a few minutes after 5: 27am, he was to late

I can not hear, I can not move, I can not speak, a tear comes rolling down my cheek, the first one for today

I hear sounds in the background, people crying, my small cousins playing

Time moves

It's 7: 32am

I make my way down to the floor with the duvet wrapped around me

Its 8Am

Unable to move, people leave the room

Its 10am

Only me and him left, I on the floor and him on the bed

Its 12am

People enter the room, asking how I am, I can not speak, I remain in the room, unable to move

Its 4pm

My Aunt enters the room, asking me to go downstairs, to occupy the cousins while the funeral home picks him up

I try to stand up, my legs sore from sitting down, as I walk by the end of the bed, trying to look at him and being unable to, the frustration within builds up

Standing up was easy, walking past him was difficult, leaving the room knowing it was the last time we would ever be in the same room was the hardest, being unable to speak, to say goodbye, or I love you.

I leave the dark room, with a lump in my throat, anxiety in my chest and a regret that would never leave, I enter the lit up hallway

At 5: 27am on a random Wednesday, my grandma lost her husband, my mom lost her father and I lost my grandpa