#155 Poem by Chris Todd, Jr.

I watched you leave today,
Not knowing,
If it’s the last time,
We’ll ever meet,
I stand,
Speechless,
Emotionless,
Tears fall,
As I watch you walk away,
Knowing it should be me,
That’s going away,
I’m not man enough,
To do what you do,
I stood for what I believed,
But I sacrificed you instead,
Now I’m left,
With this sick feeling,
In the pit of my stomach,
Cold steel bars block my view,
I pray for you everyday,
Not knowing,
If you’re ok,
I sent you off,
To a foreign land,
And now I dread it,
Everyday,
I sit and think,
How it should be me,
Should be me fighting,
Fighting for your freedom,
Our freedom,
Instead I sit in here,
All alone,
Crying to myself,
Not knowing,
If you’re all gone,
Sun drenched visions,
Cross my path,
And I can see you standing there,
As the bullets start to fly,
Shrapnel bursts into the air,
I can see the fear in your eyes,
But don’t worry,
I’m there with you,
You’re so much stronger than I,
I thought I was a man,
But I’m just a boy,
To afraid,
Just a coward,
In this place I’m rotting,
While you’re out there fighting,
It just isn’t fair,
That I’ve made you go in my place,
I hate myself everyday,
All this time,
All this nothingness,
No peace of mind,
I only feel the sadness,
The sadness that hangs over head,
No matter what,
I can never repay you,
But I’m still glad to see you,
Glad you made it made it back,
My eyes flow like rivers,
And I can’t help myself,
Knowing that you’re still here,
But I know it’s all my fault,
And I’d gladly give my life,
Just so you would never have to see that,
The bodies,
The killing,
The bloodshed,
How I wish I could turn back the clocks,
And make it all right,
24 now,
And I’ve still got life to go,
The youth inside us is gone now,
Battle tested men we are,
One on the field,
One of the system,
But I’d gladly turn back the clock,
So I could be the one that went,
Because that’s how it’s supposed to be,
I was the one,
I was supposed to die,
But I didn’t,
And I live my life knowing that,
The shame clings to me,
And the remorse controls me,
But take solace in this,
Know this always,
You are,
And you always will be,
My hero…