13 Reasons To Live Poem by Cloe C

there are so many reasons to live, you just might not know them yet
life can be so beautiful if you believe hard enough
but I started becoming blind
so I wrote this checklist
1 because it's not personal it's hereditary
I tell my mom 'mom I am so sad'
my mom tells me I'm exaggerating but masks her own pain
because trauma bonding isn't for mother-daughter relationships
2 because there's poems in my head no one will get to hear
no one will get to hear how the sky explodes with panic
no one will get to hear how the floor crumbles around me
no one will get to hear how the oceans intertwine as one
3 because there is love for me in the deposit box
I have the key around my neck
I have the directions engraved on my wrists
I have the antidope at the bottom of the pill bottle
4 because sometimes it's good to take a breath
5 because I'll never be 1st place in anything again
the fight or flight response starts to kick in to win
the tournaments would go unattended
the awards would go out disproportionately
6 because there's that one boy in math class who thinks Im a queen
everytime I look in his direction he gets butterflies
everytime he can't tell me anything because they suffocate him
I just don't know and I'll never know if I die now
7 because there's toothpaste to use to smile brighter
because there's napkins to wipe my tears
because there's bandaids to cover my wounds
8 because there's still people on my hit list
because there are still rages that must be drafted
because I can't let my enemy live longer than I
because I can't die until everyone hurts like I do
9 because I've lived too damn long to quit now
because I lived then died and came back from hell and still survived
because life is a hurricane ready to ambush everyone
because it's the winds job to push me over
10 because I never thought I'd make it this far
11 because heaven is better off without me in it
because I also say that about everything so it's hard to untangle
because too many people die everyday
because no one can handle one more death
12 because there's a rainbow at the end of every storm
because there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
because one rainbow connects like a double helix to another
because there's still so many more sunrises to see
13 because maybe one day I might have a daughter of my own
who says 'mom I am so sad'
and I'll tell her there are so many reasons to live, you just might not know them yet
life can be beautiful if you believe hard enough