.01) Taxi Memories Comments

Wow! The grid of the city's map a Mandala imprinted on the mind of the taxi driver. I couldn't help think of Charon steering his floating taxi on the River Styx.

Excellent Max! like memories of Re-birth? yes the ferryman knows the depth of the river than others?

Dear Max, The atmosphere in your poems is stunning: He knew the city like he knew his own soul, every passenger as a version of himself. Where did those lines come from, this is excellent poetry.Love Duncan

Max, that is just so beautiful.

I really enjoyed the humanity in this poem, life experiences expressing much insight. 'every passenger a version of himsef' I enjoyed the sense of adventure in not knowing, not being able to predict, but the comfort grown, and memories rich with wisdom. Thanks! :)

This is a great head swimming ride -along. I was amazed at the visual inducement in this long piece. Alot of great lines in here.....the line about entropy which is the chaotic pulse of this city...the fares in their variety, even blood to a hospital. I liked the ending as well melding the streets of the city and the streets of the cabbie's heart. Great work here. Like a fine sculpture in the round.

This is very well done, Max. There is something mundane when one pictures a taxi driver with his checkered cab. You have turned him into a PERSONA. I wouldn't cut a single thing. The ending is clear that you have been in his head (or cab) and understand him. You might play around with the tense, as Vaun suggested. It is always good to do that, but I personally think it works well in this tense. Present tense might sound contrived. Raynette

Max, you're a master storyteller. This is good, narrative poetry, which is a lost art, or has been transformed into the 'small boring moment' anecdotal type of poetry. Nice job. Thoughts of nipping and cutting are never bad, because you always want to pare the work down to the essentials. But sometimes a long poem IS the essential product, which I think is the case here. You know how I feel about long poems: all great poets write them sometimes; it shows scope, and mastery over a topic or idea, even if it rambles a bit. Its your call. I like it fine the way it is, buddy.

Hey, this is good, but i agree it could be better. You might want to revise it so that it is in the present tense instead of the past tense, this way there is more of a connection between the reader and the taxi driver

Honest answer. If you are only on your 3rd revision, you have twenty to go. Right now you have an essay that tries to include 'everything' about the taxi driver, but there is something deeper that has caused you to focus on him. I suspect that you know something very personal about his story, but I don't find it in the poem yet. Keep turning it in revision until it appears as if out of a fog. Have faith. If you stick with the process long enough it will pay off. Having said that, plan to cut at least 2/3rds of the poem. Get down to the morsel that counts. Keep the lines that count and weave them together. I wouldn't have taken the time to respond if there wasn't a lot of good material to work with. Go crazy and cut, cut, cut all the while knowing that you can put it back in if you don't like the poem with a buzz cut.

Max, I don't think this poem needs improving. I liked it a lot; it has a lot of powerful imagery.