Activities of Nicole Rose

Honestly, I'm scared. scared of losing myself, scared of caring about someone who doesn't actually care about me. Scared of becoming someone I'm not, I'm scared of losing the people closest to me I'm scared of my family and friends dying before I do. I'm scared of being stuck and always repeating the same things. I'm scared of never being able to leave but most of all I'm scared of losing you. You make me feel alive again after being stuck in the darkness for so long. You make me feel like I can do anything. I don't have to act when I'm around you, I don't have to think for hours about what to say to you because I know you'll never judge me. But I'm scared that I'll never be good enough for you. I'm scared of hurting you. But most of all I'm scared of losing you.
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Day by day I can feel myself fading away drifting further and further away from who I used to be. Slowly becoming a copy I'm no longer myself I live in the shadows of the people who surround me always there but never seen. The life I live isn't mine the only time I'm myself is when I'm alone. When I was younger I was told to never cry and not to let people see who I really was, to guard my heart and I tried and I lost myself while doing that but it also taught me that It's okay to cry and break down, it's okay to let someone take care of you, it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to be weak sometimes and it's okay to let down your guard.
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Sometimes I sit and think about the time when we were happy little kids and we didn't have a care in the world. when we could talk to whoever and not be judged and we could wear whatever we wanted without being judged.The time in our lives when we thought that everything was perfect, But as we get older those imaginary walls of perfection shatter and we start to realize maybe the world isn't as good as we thought. Maybe it's all false. We are all expected to look or act a certain way and when we don't the world tears us down. Almost every day is a struggle. We try to fit into the mold of others and it breaks us. People manipulate and use others so they feel better about themselves. They try to be perfect but life isn't about being perfect. Life is about making mistakes and fixing them or learning from them. Sometimes I sit and think about the old days, the days we thought were perfect, the days that were false.
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Broken Mind
A broken bone is nothing compared to a broken heart but a broken heart is nothing compared to a broken mind.
Bones heal and hearts heal over time.
A mind is harder because no one really knows what goes on in someone's head and what they think when no one's around.
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Thank You For The Pain

The words you spoke cut me deep but I realized that in the end, it made me stronger.
So thank you for the shit you put me through it made me a better me.
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