Kelvin Rush

You keep on asking as if we're blessed
There are no answers for us to digest
Man has no insight to the meaning of life
It's futile and full of pain and strife
...

An old timid tiger from Harrow
Would shake at the site of a sparrow
His friends laughed with glee
As he shot up the tree
...

There once was a Chinese waiter
Who wouldn't serve a hungry alligator
There were punches and kicks
And flying chopsticks
...

There once was a nit called Ted
Who lived on a receding head
When the hair disappeared
It wasn't as bad as he feared
...

There once was a fly called Sam
Who got stuck in a pot of jam
He was tougher than most
But got spread on toast
...

An illiterate man called Tanner
Wasn't very good at grammar
He got all confused
With his P's and Q's
...

There once was a man from Tickle
Whose hands were incredibly brittle
He wrapped them in kelp
But that didn't help
...

There was a naughty salmon called Zest
Who wouldn't jump in the net like the rest
He pretended to be dead
By lying on the seabed
...

They called Mrs Fart Droopy Drawers
She relished the attention and applause
But when she blew off in church
She was left in the lurch
...

There was a drunk surgeon called Ted
You've removed the wrong arm matron said
Despite being pissed
I'm fine he'd insist
...

There was a lonely turd called Kath
Who floated all alone in the bath
When the plug was removed
She felt sad and subdued
...

There was an ice cream called Chase
Who entered a marathon race
When the sun came out
He was right up the spout
...

A lazy grasshopper called Pat
Jumped on the back of a rat
When the rat got stressed
And stopped to rest
...

Malcolm lit a joke cigarette
He was dared by his best friend Bret
When it exploded
And his hair eroded
...

There was a bricklayer called Carl
Who was drunk while building a wall
He was barely coping
The wall began sloping
...

There once was a cute little kitten
Who made everyone goo-goo and smitten
He wasn't that cute
When he pissed on the fruit
...

There once was a kipper called Terry
His friends thought he was too smelly
They sprayed him with bleach
As he laid on the beach
...

I'm no longer funny said the clown
No one laughs and it's getting me down
Don't you worry said Trevor
We'll make your nose a little redder
...

There was a daft man called Pete
Who ran naked down the street
He regretted it though
Cos he slipped on the snow
...

A posh egg that was nurtured then spoiled
Didn't want to be fried or hard boiled
He drew up a plan
To coerce with the flan
...