I often feel unimportant, alone and apathetic. Some days I doubt the voices that say this and fight them, knowing they are just beliefs. Other days I can not bear it, for I don’t know how to defeat them or live with them. During the worst days the only comfort I get is knowing I don’t have to continue surviving forever. But always, if stop for too long, I have this deep feeling something is very wrong. I often feel I have to put a mask on, a front, a smile. But deep down I am in pain and it is hiding the pain that makes me feel so very isolated.
In poems I found I could express my feelings and untangle my thoughts, in a way that I also found some beauty and comfort in.
I think of you with a heavy heart
Confused why it has ended like this
Why it has so torn me apart
To destroy someone without a second thought
...
I wish I could overcome my demons
I wish I didn't get so sad
I wish I knew the key
To unlock the potential within me
...
There is power in silence
But it can open deep wounds
Built by everything unsaid
Toxicity is always fed
...
Life is like a board game
Which I do not want to play again
Everyone else seems to get it
But it does not interest me one bit
...