I find myself feeling rigid, serious, unhappy when I feel I am trying to defend life as I have known it to be. I become speculative, philosophical, trapped in my head looking for an alternative to the world we live in now.
The world is caught up in a phantom of ideas that I have myself also taken part in. But even if I have indulged in speculation, ideas do not always suggest a better form of reality or even that those ideas will come to fruition.
And maybe it would be more important for me to follow instinctively the course of nature instead and to think of all that I have today, a wife who loves me, an apartment with all that we could ever need, a nice lake to look at, a good job, instead of what could be and what was, the problems of tomorrow and yesterday.
I cannot but help feeling tempted to peel through the next section of life, yet we may not be ready for it yet, to see what is written on those pages.
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