Sometimes, it's better not to speak
Than to be judged for your words.
Excuse me for not believing in fairies,
I was raised by this dirt
...
Tribes chanted of the heavens
Kings called out to themselves
Governments learned their lessons
Religion rules us all
...
Did I ever rant about my Lucky Bamboo plant?
Lucky, of course, because it needs no land.
The world is scant, although a sycophant,
And this beauty needs not a hand.
...
These wheels spin
To stares engulfing grins.
No one wants this thing;
The blatant rush drives patience thin.
...
Our windows to the outside world
See all there is to be—
How many a man and woman fold
Their souls into inhumanity.
...
I guess I should have known. All the signs were always there. And even now, your own words say more than you will ever admit. And deep down I knew it all too. Deep down, I lied to myself for so long, hoping that if I hoped for long enough, reality would somehow change. Because I didn't want to live in a world where you weren't real. But deep down I now know that is the only life I have left to live. I wanted to believe in you, even though it was simple math that showed you were racking up points with someone else. What's so messed up is that I doubt you even believe me when I say I have suffered all this time over you. Otherwise, how could you ever do this to me? Surely, some sort of justification you must have invented for yourself, all this time. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been able to go through with everything you did to me. I hope you sleep easy at night, though. It's not guilt that I wish you had. No..I think I just see that I am in such a jam. I see that I'm living in a cruel world. I see that no one will ever care about me. I see that she herself, I have realized that she herself, you know who I'm referring to, I have realized that she never loved me. What am I now? What is left of me now? It feels like I gave up what was left of my life for you. I have no one now, and my future seems like an almost certain hell. Do you even care? You don't. You never did.
Why did you even do this to me? And what becomes of me now? Do you expect me to roll over and die? I guess I just don't even exist in your world anymore. But I do exist in mine. And here I am, in the darkness, typing away, lonely as ever. I think I didn't want to see the truth because I knew I'd have to feel lonely again if you weren't real. So even though you've given me every sign, both unintentionally and purposely, such a huge part of me wants to believe in you still. Isn't that sad? I guess I have to be lonely. I have spent my entire life running away from loneliness. I think I have no choice but to stop running now. I have to face it, and face whatever comes my way in life. Jiri was poisoned now too, and I can't help but to feel like life is hell, a nightmare. And all the good parts of life are used to hurt me in the end.
...
What I'd do for another whisper from that voice,
Pleading, bleeding, calling out for my choice.
Say' it'd been the wrong waist—a waste
Within horses of troy, chasing a pace
...
Sometimes, I feel like a toy.
No, not a real boy.
Joy comes through me
Until I'm broken.
...
You and I are never going to be the same.
People, like the seasons, change.
Could it be that treason's fame
Is through collective, not individual, gain?
...
I want to be free,
Lost in a sea of beauty,
Fleeing life's tragedy.
...
Weathered wings doing wretched things
On my life, wringing everything.
I hear him breathe, as a disease,
Slowly consuming.
...
All I wanted was to be loved.
I thought I saw it through innocent touch,
But it ended up with innocence lost.
Now, I find myself searching out of lust.
...
Is it best to leave words unsaid?
Would that be the correct movement?
Is it the most soothing path to take
When an unruly heart breaks?
...
Never known what passion is,
But I've always attempted to find out.
It's stayed an invisible luxury,
Never relenting in being roundabout.
...
Who would believe that a leaf holds such power
As to influence the quality of one's daily hours?
So repugnant is the nature of what we admire
That it determines the fate of all held truly ours.
...
There's a mirror only clearly seen
When near and speaking admirably,
But, behind this, there's another far away—
When blinded, it distorts your face.
...
Flesh in chains—
Are you kidding me?
Is this a game?
It has to be.
...
Fine Beginnings
You can make it
We all can make it
It's in the seconds,
The minutes,
And our brains
If we kept going
It's all there
Everything you wanted
And these lessons
As in them, we rise above
Past the fires of our hells
We smile on, we march in rhythms
Of our own destinations, brimming
On the cusp of imagination, singing
To what's lost and discovered again:
A joy for joy, a hope for life
Because what feels like the ends of us
Are fine beginnings