Carolyn Vuletic

Crazed and silly and stupid as it may seem
I think I've just developed an infatuation with you, in you
I lost the need to write when I was with him
I had no inspiration
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When I hold her I often CAN'T let her go
She's s perfect, each perfection her own
I remember how we fought for her, for her to have life
To have a chance
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Tuesday nights
That is kinda all I know about you
We meet up, we chill, we drink (way too much)
You tell me stories, about beautiful woman and your travels
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each scar has a story
people look at you differently when they find out
your sanity is questioned
your stature lost
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I cannot control the ingested hate i am feeling
i want to explode
i am so stripped of moral right now
i fail to see the point
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i cried today
the first time in many years
it built up to a climax in me, in my being
and i could not hold them back anymore
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I have scars on my feet that look like stigmata
Two round marks, purple and perfectly round
People think it's hilerious, my stigmata wounds that is...
I only told one or two of them, that they are actually carpet burns
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Drivin in jozi with wild hair
designer shades
juicey tubed lips
pumpin beats
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Cape Town boy
So chilled, so fine
You're damaged goods, everyone knows
You facinate me so
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years of denial finally payed off
i realised what you had done was wrong
i always thought it had been my fault
but how could it have been?
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He came too close last night
to being more than a convenience
i am so bored with idle chit chat and men with better hair than me
I said he could come to America with me, and he said that was cool - and
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Body damp from my restless sleep
Hair wild, tangled, free
I wake from a dream, where I had been satisfied
Dissapointment echo's when I realise it wasn't real
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Late last night I found a significant piece of evidence of you -
evidence of your past existance
i found it odd how little i cared, but how much i still remembered.
i have no pictures of you, only those in my head
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Come downs are when I'm at my worst
I think about the stupid decision I made when I was drunk
When I was brave
And look at me now, bruises on my legs from being 'the most awesome host ever'
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I have crawled into myself this week
refusing to take calls, or go outside
My bedroom is all I know
I listen to Elvis playing on repeat on my stereo
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The star on my ankle itches
i scratch the itch but it ain't biting
in my girly undies infront of the screen
fingers trying to find the right key
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i'll never know you
but i do
i'll never deny you
not even when we'r through
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this years love
Could it ever be harder, or easier
second's pass, people walk past, and my eyes don't leave his
He knows this is all he's ever going to want
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Few weeks you will be gone
I think not of you as I once did
You are not there anymore, the closure seeps open at times
but I fill it will devices made to aid my grief
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I sit here looking for a place far away
a place with no rules
and no sounds
a place I can be
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